Thursday, September 22, 2011

Fight or Flight

You hear the stories, mothers being able to harness unimaginable strength and endurance when their children are in trouble.

Now before I go on, I want to say that Mimi is fine (if you were worried), but I did have something of this sort happen to me tonight.

We live in a rather unique area of Austin, where I feel safe out by myself, but there... lingering not too far away are unsafe feelings.  I don't like to run at night without my husband with me.  My husband (in his obnoxious toe shoes) will run behind me with the jog stroller and I keep my snail (yet consistent pace) and he will sprint, then walk and maintain himself about 10 feet behind me with Mimi in the stroller screaming "Pappa! Catch Momma she's getting away!"

Since we just installed the bikeseat on my roadbike, and Mimi LOVES it so much she begs to go for rides in it, he wanted to take her out for a spin, so he said he would circle the neighborhood and keep crossing my running area to watch out for me.  At one point he crossed my path and I stopped him and told him I still had 2 more miles to run so he better take Mimi home because it was getting dark and we hadn't reinstalled the lights on my bike yet and it would be safter for him to head home and get her some dinner.  He agreed and headed home.  I added another mile to my normal loop because I was upping my run from 2 to 3 miles, and on my last mile home, far down the street I saw two police cars, and an ambulance in the road.  My heart stopped.  I had this feeling.  This horrible gut feeling that my husband was hit by a car and him and Mimi were being taken away by that ambulance.  

I had to get to those flashing lights to make sure it wasn't him.  I picked up my pace as fast as my fat legs could carry me.  I ran so fast I thought I was going to vomit.  I cared less about Todd saying in my ear "10 more minutes you can do this" from my 5k training module. In my head I pictured crushed helmets and Mimi being taken away in an ambulance.  My heart pumped, my mind raced, I ran even faster.  By the time I got close enough the ambulance drove away! I didn't make it to see, no one was around to ask, no broken bike on the side of the road. I still had to make sure my family was okay.  I had another 1/2 mile to get home.  I continued to run at this unbelievable pace (for me), for a split second I regretted not running with my IPhone and instead using the ol' IPOD, I could have called home to check things.  I have no idea how my body kept that pace up for that last 1/2 mile.

I got to my door and it was still locked, and I couldn't see the bike inside.  I panicked and pounded on the door like a crazy women.  Finally my husband appeared out of the bathroom where he had been giving Mimi a bath and opened the door.  When he opened the door I came in and hugged him so hard I thought I would have broken his ribs.  I broke down in to tears and explained to him what I saw and what I thought.  Mimi came running out of the bathroom sopping wet and saw me crying and hugged me and said "What's wrong Momma?" I told her I was scared and I loved her so much as was glad she was safe.  I think my husband thought I was kind of crazy.

I have never felt so horrible in my entire life.  The thought that something could have happened to my family and that feeling of uncertainty as I ran like the dickens home to check for them was horrible.  Torture.

Now that I've calmed down and had a bath, I wish I would have timed that last mile! I bet that was a personal best for sure!  I think I'm going to buy the armband for my Iphone.  Then if something were to happened I'd be a little more equipped to deal with it, then keyless, phoneless, running like a mad women through the neighborhood.

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