I just watched my husband drive out of our Florida driveway for the last time. He left for San Antonio this morning to start his 6-8 week training before he's moved to Austin. We're not going to be apart the full 6-8 weeks, but we will be separated as a family for the longest ever. My husband will see me next weekend when I fly to Austin to go house rental hunting with him. He won't see Mimi for probably 3 weeks. This is by far the longest he's been away from us both. He had been getting really choked up about it as the time neared for him to pack his car and leave. I really didn't start to get upset until I realized that he wasn't just leaving us, but our home in Florida. We bought this house together, which by far was the most stressful situation we'd gone through at that point. We've also been married while living here and brought our first baby home to this house. This house holds so many memories for us. Part of me is not that upset because we're not selling it. So for all intent and purposes, it's still our Florida home.
I'll miss my husband. I'll miss him even though he can be really messy and annoying. He's my best friend and my partner. He's Mimi's Papa. We plan to make a little video every couple of days and post it for him so he can see what we're up to.
I don't know how you military families do this. You guys (and gals) go through separations and moves way worse than what we're facing. I try to remember that we made this move to have a better life for our family. Higher salaries with equal cost of living means I get to be home with our children and my husband feels more challenged and valued at his job. We've made a step up, but it's hard to not be upset with what we're leaving behind. Our first home, his first post college job, 7 years of great friendships and fun times (not to mention to 3 National Championships! GO GATORS).
Nothing cheers you up like holding a brand new baby. Even if it's not yours. My friend Grace gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl this morning. I was psyched when she called me to tell me I could come see her and the baby. It made my day. I've been so upset over what happened to my brother, it was nice to have a ray of sunshine. Here she is, Elise Olivia. I'm so happy for Grace and her husband. A healthy (and chunky) baby girl to love!
I was surprised when my husband wanted to come to the hospital too to see the baby. Men typically aren't baby gushers, but he was excited too. I looked at that tiny newborn and looked at my husband with a pout face and said "I want one!" and he said "Not right now" lol.
I guess I can post a picture of the baby instead of myself, lol.
This morning I woke up to a text message from my mother. My brother's girlfriend had her baby at 21 weeks. The baby lived for 5 minutes and died in my brother's hand. I myself felt a little overwhelmed with grief, how must they feel? To lose a baby must be one of the hardest things to have to deal with in life. I couldn't even put into words how sorry I felt for him and his girlfriend. I didn't know what to say. I told them I was so sorry for this loss and that if he needed to talk to me I was here for him.
I cried all morning, thinking how sad and angry they must feel. I cried for my poor brother, who has truly had a hard life with no breaks. I wish I could be there to console him, hug him, and tell him everything will be okay.
He stayed in the hospital with his girlfriend since Tuesday, when they had to induce her because she did not have enough amniotic fluid for the baby to survive. They told her she had to deliver the baby now or it would be stillborn. I don't really know the details, this is what my brother told my mother at 2am this morning.
I once told Franco that if something happened to Mimi I don't know if I could keep on living. I can't imagine how upset my brother must be, watching his baby die his hands. I look at Mimi watching Toy Story 3 on the couch drinking her applejuice and feel guilty. Guilty that I had a healthy baby and my poor brother has to go through this.
I hope that he and his girlfriend get through this together. I pray that his little baby boy is in heaven. I pray that they are blessed with another healthy pregnancy and baby.
I know this might seem like a weird post, but it helps me to write it out.
So when Mimi was 6 months old I posted this. The aftermath of your body after having a baby (when you're not 20 years old at a perfect weight with beautifully elastic skin). Here I am, almost 2 years later (Mimi is 2 in July), and I am still plagued by this spare tire around my belly! I am so frustrated.
This is me today, obviously not the best photo, but it shows you exactly what I mean. I love my body from the belly button up and from the mid-thigh down. I've worked really hard running and eating health to get here, and I still have work to do. However..... I HATE MY LOWER MIDSECTION. Dude. Why will it not go away!? Do you see it there!? Just HANGING there driving me nuts.
I should be happy to be where I am considering that these shorts are 2 sizes too big and when I as 22 I couldn't even button them. Today I'm 180 lbs (still need to lose that last 10 lbs!) and wearing a size 12 bottom and size M shirt. A far improvement from when I was 245 lbs and a size 18/XL.
I told hubs after we're done having babies I want a tummy tuck and a breast lift.
That could be the name of a super cool show on pbs right!? Well Christa and I found this cute seersucker fabric when we were browsing JoAnn's late one night before getting kicked out by the crotchedy old ladies who cut the fabric and lecture you on your measurements....I digress....
We decided we would make adult versions of the skirt I made for Mimi in this post. Let me tell you, we had one hot Friday night of sewing....(wow that sounds so dorky)
I chose light blue seersucker and a shorter length skirt, Christa opted for gray seersucker and a longer skirt. I like the way mine turned out after some miner adjustments to control for the "fluffyness" of it. I plan on pairing with a tight fitting white tank and leather sandals and maybe a necklace or scarf (not both, I can't stand over accessorized people).
We also made some braided bracelets using the same techniques as this post.
As you can see by some of these photos, Christa and I got a little too silly...She was wearing this gray striped dress from Forever 21 already, so she's a little overstriped lol.
I work with the most adorable 21 year-old that has been trying to convince me for a year now to jump out of an airplane with her. She skydives as a hobby and has made over 100 jumps so far. For some reason I decided to just do it. Maybe because I'm leaving my job and moving from Florida so I thought this would be a fitting end to my Florida chapter. For whatever reason, I gave in to Julia's nagging and 5 of us drove out to Palatka yesterday and jumped out of an airplane.
I wasn't nervous until they showed us the video beforehand and you see footage of them opening the plane door and people just whooshing out the back of the plane. Then I was like "Holy Shit." You can see in my face in on the plane that I was a little nervous. Of course I ended up with some hot ass instructor, which was a little intimidating, as you are strapped to these people tighter than white on rice.
When they opened the door to the plane and I watched my friend John whoosh out, I knew I was next. Before I knew in the instructor nudged me off the bench to the door, I looked out and have never felt so terrified in my entire life. Before I could have a second though, whoosh, out I went. The minute of free fall was terrifying (as seen by the look on my face). It was loud and cold and disorientating. You spin and flip for a few seconds until you end up belly down falling, when I was able to compose myself a little.
Here's Julia next to. That crazy 21 year-old. She flew up next to me and held my hand for a minute. So cool.
After they pull the shoot, you slow down from 120mph pretty quickly and then float feet down. You can finally hear again. The instructor pointed out the Atlantic ocean, and the St. John's river which you can see in some shots.
The landing was something I was worried about. I had heard stories about jammed knees and broken legs. I landed in my ass in the dirt. Kind of like sliding into home base. Good thing I wore the snazzy jumpsuit right?
I felt kind of whoozy and sick when I was done. Maybe the swaying at the end, maybe the adrenaline, who knows.
Was it fun? Well, I would say it was a pretty awesome experience, but I don't wish to repeat it.
I mentioned my girly metamorphosis right? Well today I tried to go out of my comfort zone again and since I quit my job and only have 5 work days left, I figure I can stretch the policy on office dress right?
Tunic Tank--Homemade for $2 Necklace--Forver 21 $3.80
Cardigan--Target $18
Leggings -- Forever 21 $4.50
Flats--Target $14.99
Did I mention this was taken with an Iphone hence the horrible quality?
Bossman and I had a little chat today, tieing up loose ends before my last few days pass. He looked right at me and said point blank...
"You're really not going to just be a stay at home mom are you?" said with disdain.
Wow. Don't hold back bossman. Is that such a horrible thing that I would put my career on a temporary hold to raise my own children? What a crazy idea right? To want to be home with my own children (I say children because we plan to try for anther next year).
I told him that I plan to do consulting and find a part time teaching job as an adjunct and that seemed to calm his fears for poor Jen wasting her education to raise her kids.
T-minus 3 weeks until husband is shipped off to San Antonio for his training, and T-minus 7 weeks until this family ships off to Austin. Adventure 1: Finding a home
This is going to be a doozy. Husband and I already exchanged some words on our differing expectations on what we want our living situation to be. Husband is a little delusional sometimes. Husband thinks that it would be glamorous to live downtown and be urbanites. He forgets I think that we have a crazy toddler and 65 lb yellow lab that are moving with us to. I think he has this delusional idea in his head that we're a yuppy dink (double income no kids) and he forgets we're going to be a single income with baggage. I think he also has a morphed idea of what 1,000 a month gets you in a city where it is desirable to live downtown.
I myself and torn between the lure of being a young urban family and the lure of a more suburban quiet area where we can have a nice bigger home for the same price as the rustic downtown apartment. I've been eagerly scouring craigslist and zillow rent sites to see what's available in our desirable price-range that's not totally in suburbia, but close to his new workplace and close to downtown fun.
I've found a really great condo I like with a kitchen to die for. Kitchens a big draw for us, we cook A LOT and spend a lot of time in the kitchen. The kicker is this place is $200 more than we wanted to spend. Not $200 more than we can afford, but spend. So now I'll have to sit down with our budget and see what's realistic. Oh the fun.... (NOT).
We also have to tie up the lose ends of renting our house. We have 4 other people than our originally intended friend that are interested. So the friend we had in mind originally needs to make up her mind and seal the deal or we're moving on to the other contenders....Atleast it's not stressful finding someone I guess.
Don't mind the lack of pedicure. I had to share you these friggin' adorable shoes. I don't know what's come over me these last few weeks. Those of you that know me in real life or have read my blog long enough to see the repeated demonstrations of my "mommy frumpiness" are probably thinking, since when does Jen wear girly high heals and care about fashion? I know, I'm thinking the same thing! I never wanted to be all girly and put together. Something clicked in me these last few weeks (maybe it's my fashionable office mate that comes in looking all cute and put together daily), or maybe it's a "oh my god I"m almost 30" phase, or maybe it's all these changes in my life that have triggered a girly metamorphasis, or who knows....
So Saturday afternoon my husband wanted to go shopping. He wanted cologne (his was literally bone dry and he has used every last drop), and I needed socks. He dragged me into the shoe section of Kohls and made me try on 6 pairs of shoes. I found these flowered shoes and thought "oh my god those are so cute but so not me...." He convinced me to buy them (on sale for $33!) and away we went.
It's not just shoes though, I've been really inspired lately to glam things up a little more. I have tried to make my hair a little more polished looking and tried to get out of my comfort zone with my attire. It's not much, but it's a start.
Today fashionable office mate and me spent 2 hours in forever 21 trying on necklaces. I branched out a little and I'm really happy with my purchases. We'll have to see if I can keep branching out. I told my husband not to be surprised if he comes home and I'm wearing my Nike gym shorts sometimes too *which I just got three pairs off ebay new for $18.99!
I have followed Carlathebubblelush since she found out she was pregnant live on camera a year and a half ago. I've always found her to be very friendly and educated. I was not so impressed with her recent video:
She talks a lot about "life after baby." I didn't particularly agree with her take on life after baby and her advice to new parents. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt on her comments since her baby is only 6 months---listen to me here acting like the smug all-knowing mom. Really this post isn't a criticism of her, because I've heard a lot of moms make the same comments.
"I don't even have time to shower"
"I am so busy I forgot to eat"
"my baby-less friends just don't get how complicated my life is now"
"taking the baby out is such a production, so stressful, you have to remember so much!"
Let's address these comments one by one.
Showering. My one friend said this same thing to me. Not having time to shower. I've heard a dozen moms say it. Seriously? How long do y'all shower? I mean I never had time to fully shave my legs and sit there letting the hot water hit me for 20 minutes, but I had time to wash my hair, face, feet, important bits, etc. I never had time to blowdry and flat iron my hair, but I did comb it. I didn't have time to put on glam makeup, but I threw on some moisturizer and concealer (especially since my face looked like a pizza after Mimi was born).
Forgetting to eat. Never had this problem (obvious from my waistline). What's funny is when I was home with Mimi fulltime, I did meal planning, bargain shopping, home-cooked gourmet meals nightly, and all by 6pm. Since I starting working fulltime, if my husband doesn't cook, I eat cereal and feed Mimi scrambled eggs and peas.
My baby-less friends just don't understand--well this is give and take. I hate to sound smug and say that people without kids just don't get what it's like to have kids. I think the child-less ones just don't fully grasp the shittyness of being hungover the next day with a toddler demanding you to repeatedly stack blocks and blow bubbles for them when you have a headache that could kill a horse. The child-less ones don't fully grasp the concept of never getting to sleep in....ever again--unless you're lucky enough to have inlaws or great friends that keep your kid overnight for you occasionally. I think sometimes the child-less ones forget that not all restaurants are toddler friendly when they invite you to dine with the gang.....I don't think the child-less ones have lives any less fulfilling or busy than mine.
Taking the baby out is so stressful/difficult etc....Man oh man. When I had an infant I thought this too. Now, (here comes my smug-all-knowing-mom-advice) I clearly see that taking a toddler out is way more stressful. For one, they're bigger, they are harder to wrangle, they yell louder (and can say actually words), and they can run away from you....surprisingly fast.....and you can't use your boobs to instantly pacify them and send them into sleepyland.
Now, I tell this to anyone that asks. Having Mimi (not just birth, but life) was/is the hardest thing I've ever done, but also the most amazing. I have less sleep, money, sanity, time alone, time with my husband, time with friends, etc., but I am happier than I've ever been. Given the chance to do anything, I love to just cuddle and play with my kid. She's my world. Yes being a parent is hard work, but worth every minute, every sacrifice, every lost Saturday morning of sleeping in......
Today I had my cardiac stress test. For those of you that are like WTF does she need a cardiac stress test for? I'll catch you up. 2 months ago I went to the doc for migraines, found out I was hypertensive, was put on bp meds, have felt like crap every since. I'm in the process of going through testing to determine the cause of my hypertension.
1. Stress from my job? Probably
2. Genetic predisposition? Possible but not probable at my age
3. Renal issues? 50% sure no
4. Cardiac issues? Nope
So today they hooked me up to a treadmill and ran me hard. Well, they slowly amped up the treadmill until I hit 180 bpm, all while monitoring my bp, heart, and oxygen. It was kind of futuristic. My ticker performed awesomely. I also got to see an ultrasound of my heart which was hella cool. Seriously....I got to see all the valves and chambers just pumping away. God bless modern science and blue cross blue shield.
The results?
Nothing. My ticker is fine. My results all normal. I got what I wanted----I am cleared to run AND most importantly, they are going to wean me off my meds. My kidney ultrasound last week was also normal, the last test is an MRI of my vessels leading to my kidneys. If that tests comes back normal, is really could just have boiled down to the ol' job. Well the ol' job is done. I resigned Friday. My last day is April 20.
I hope to be off bp meds by this fall.
Oh the doctor told me I should lose 10-15 more pounds. Geesh, thanks skinny frail asian cardiologist for telling me something that plagues me everyday!
Meet Christa, who showed up to a baby
shower and inadvertently matched the
decorations perfectly...
So my new co-worker Christa is not only entertaining, but inspiring. Everyday when I get to work (10 minutes late cause that's how I roll lately), she's sitting there in the cutest little ensembles with cute hairstyles to boot. Now in my defense, she doesn't have kids and gets more sleep. So right off the bad she's got head start at looking more put together, but she also has a little more of something I lack, fashion sense.
The other day she had on this really cute sweater thingy, and I said "Christa, I really like your sweater, where did you get it?" and she explained to me that she didn't know because she takes her tags off of her clothes when she gets them. At first I thought, man that is just crazy. But then she explained that when she sees what store the clothes come from she perceived the clothes and having different "value" solely based upon the label. She said once she started removing the labels she saw her clothes for what they were, and even treat her clothes differently. Now I may be paraphrasing her a little here, so she'll have to forgive me.....
As I was folding laundry the other day, I thought, he there's something to this. I totally judge the value of my clothing by what I paid for it, and what the label says. Bad judgmental me. As I clean out my closet in the moving process I will be getting rid of stuff that doesn't fit and I don't wear, regardless of the price I paid for it. Why hold on to stuff that it 3 sizes too big I was a 16/18, not I'm a 10/12)? I did save a few things for myself that were larger for post-partum when having more kids, but that's it. You know that 2 months where you look like a blown out tire?
I don't think I'm going to attack my clothes with scissors and slice off all the labels, but I'm going to try to take Christa's approach more.
Today I almost wore a dress to work that I made myself, but I felt it was a little too short for the office.....I'll have to show you guys my creation, it is the first thing I've made that I would wear out of the house....score, I got the fabric for 2 bucks.
So today I went for a morning run. I generally don't run in morning, but now that the heat is amped up here in Florida, I figured I should take advantage of the cool breezy morning while I could. I've stopped pushing myself while running. Now I just run as far and fast as I want, and if I get tired, I walk a little, and I don't beat myself up about it. Tuesday is my cardio stress test, if I pass with flying colors, I won't worry about pushing myself, but I'll continue to try to remember that I run to enjoy it, so if should be enjoyable.
While I'm running I have the most random thoughts.....here are some of the.
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Don't you just laugh when you see a big burly guy walking a tiny toy dog? Today I saw a big burly cuban looking guy with a teacup size dog. For Realz.
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Why do people need expensive gear to run? Running is so primal. Why do we feel like we need to spend so much money on the clothes we sweat in? I understand the purpose of buying clothes that move with you well, a bra that supports you well, and shoes that support and cushion your feet. I mean they sell 20 dollar running socks, really? You need 20 dollar socks to sweat in? My favorites that are worth the money:
1. Women's Nike Dri Fit Running Shorts - I have 3 pairs, I have worn and washed the crap out of them for three years and they are still going strong. Never bunch up, ride, or any of that nonsense. More than I like to pay for them, but a good buy in my opinion. I pretty much will be living in them once I'm a SAHM again. For Realz.
2. New Balance 992 Running Shoes - Ugliest friggin' shoes I've ever owned, but after 2 knee surgeries and a broken ankle, these shoes have not done me wrong.
I told the hubs that I want to buy a new job stroller. Ours we got used for $20 and it veers to one side and is big, heavy and bulky. If I am going to a SAHM, that is on my short list of things to save for. Have toddler, must run (with jogger that doesn't veer sideways). Now go ahead and leave a comment that I cam contradicting myself by saying "who needs expensive running stuff" then saying I need a new jog stroller.....then come over and run a mile with my jog stroller and tell me it's not horrible....
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Why do youtube moms get all pissed off when they get comments they don't like about their parenting? For real ladies, you make these videos, make them public, want people to watch them, then wonder how can people be so judgmental and leave these comments!? waaa waaa waaa (sound of baby crying obnoxiously). Be realistic, not everyone will like you, not everyone has tact, and surprise surprise....not everyone agrees with you. Also realize that when you make your videos and spew out all of your parenting advice, expect some of it back. Or just ignore the and get over it.
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Well how could I put up a post without putting an obnoxious amount of Mimi photos?! We busted out the inflatable swimming pool today. I sat out there and let her play with the while it filled. It was truly relaxing. I felt kind of bad letting her use too much water, as I'm always telling her that the kids in Haiti don't even have clean water to drink....anyway...
Me trying to tan my Michael Jackson white legs......
