Saturday, July 16, 2011

I knew this day would come....

Now if you're reading this, please understand i'm just a little pissed off irritated right now.  When my husband and I decided that I would quit working and stay home full-time with our toddler (and future kids), he told me how happy it made him that I was game for it.  I have been in college since August of 2000 folks, non-stop, so 11 yes ELEVEN years.  I have almost 3 degrees.  I did not go to college to find a husband to take care of me.  I want a career too, I want to make the big bucks and feel really awesome about my job performance too.  BUT, I see the value (both monetary and other) in our choice, so I will put my aspirations of a career on hold and give my time and energy into something more important, our children.  Just because I stay home with our child all day, this does not mean I'm the house maid and chef full-time.

I feel that as my husband is providing our family's income, my way of giving to the family if by keeping up our home and raising our child.  I literally do everything for our home/life/finances/child, except go to my husband's job. I cook, I clean, I do laundry, I pay the bills, I take care of our rental property, the pets, our child, doctor apts, travel arrangements, taxes, I even took care of our entire move including single-handedly unpacking 150 boxes.   Doing all this is MORE THAN A FULLTIME JOB.

Tonight, after we put Mimi to bed after a day or errands, I sat on the couch and turned on the laptop and began to check messages etc.  The kitchen was pretty messy from last night's dinner (that I cooked) and we had been out all day since breakfast.  We have our new babysitter coming tomorrow so I told him I was going to get things cleaned up I just needed to take a break for a minute.  He looked the kitchen and began to huff and puff and do it himself.  I just let him.  Why not?  I clean the kitchen 3 times a day ALL WEEK LONG.  Just because he goes to a desk job all day he can't clean the kitchen once a week?

When I asked him what was wrong he told me it disgusted him that I left all those dirty dishes there since yesterday and that I didn't clean them up.  I think he forgot that he ate off those dishes too.  And he drank the coffees I made him etc etc etc.

It was liked he flipped a switch in me.  I instantly became so angry and defensive I wanted to scream.  What does he think this is I Dream of Genie?  What is he? my new Devil bossman?  I am going to start keeping a list of what I do all day everyday and count up the hours that I was constantly working and give it him. Like a SAHM punchcard.  I knew that someday I would face the reality of how husbands take their stay at home wives for granted, but after 3 weeks?  3 weeks and he's scolding me for leaving the dishes for one day?  I am mystified.  I am so irritated.
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I know you think that I'm overreacting here ladies, but this is like a gigantic red flag to me.  I am not going to be treated like a little house servant.  I'm not perfect. Somedays I"m tired, or have a headache, and the dishes aren't always cleaned up straight away, but why should that overshadow all the other "work" I do?  Raising a kid (especially a 2 year-old) is way harder than my 8-5 job was.  There's more joy in it, but it's still a lot harder.  I feel exhausted at the end of the day too. I want to relax a little on the weekend too.

I want a serious apology.  Or at least a conversation about how I didn't appreciated how he came off and I want him to be truly receptive to my words, and not just appease me and give out some blanket apology so I'll "get over it."  My husband isn't a jerk, but sometimes he doesn't realize how the things he says can be taken very differently than he intended.



Meghann (Bringing up Bumble) said...

i. know. how. you. feel.
you can do a million things all day long, but it's truly what they see at night/when they come home that counts as proof to whether you've been lazy or working. i've noticed the longer i've not had a job, the more motivation i lost at home. just summoning the strength to keep up with it all really is a lot harder than a desk job. i think about my old job & sitting at my desk sounds so relaxing.
i have a hard time ever asking my husband to help around the house, but sometimes i feel like he should just want to. if i could come to work and help him out a little with his job, i would.

Jess Craig said...

ugh dude. story of my life! minus the cleaning part (cause my husband actually doesn't care about that shockingly!)

i've been told that i get to hang out all day long and that there is no reason why i should get a sleeping in day, since if i wanted to i could take naps all day.

or, me staying at home isn't that big of a deal and that it's actually quite relaxing.

i hope you get your talk... but honestly, i think all men are the same in this way. they just think being a SAHM is no big deal and it's our "role" that we should be good at.

Sarah said...

Catching up on some of your posts....can totally relate to this! My Hubby does the same....or he will ask 'so what did you do today'...which actually means 'did you just sit on your arse and do nothing today cos the place is a mess'....LOL! Put him in his place!