Happy Birthday Mimi Alexandra!

My daughter is one year old.  Why is it that we put so much emphasis on this day? Why is it that her first birthday makes me feel sad for some reason?  Don't get me wrong, I'm overwhelmed with joy today, and filled with a sense of celebration.  I guess that we (mothers) see our child's first birthday as an end of infancy and not a beginning of the next stage.  We feel like they're not our *little* babies anymore.  I can totally see why people get "baby fever" and want to to do it all over again.  I don't want to do it again right now, but I know with 100% certainty I want to do this all over again and again and maybe even one more again :-)  Mimi is my best accomplishment, if you can a child your accomplishment.

I can't even express in words how much I love my daughter.  She is the MOST important thing to me. She has changed me into a better person.  She's grown and I've grown.  Her life has made us into a family, it has connected me to my husband and brought our relationship to a higher level.

Today we woke her up and brought her into bed to cuddle and nurse.  She laid there nursing and reached her little fat hand behind her while she nursed and stroked my husband's arm with care.  It was a moment that I wish I could have captured in a box can carry it with me every day and relive it 1,000 times.  We opened presents from the grandparents.  We had a nice breakfast together without rushing.  I watched as Mimi tried to put her scrambled eggs on her fork all by herself.    I put her in her "baby's first birthday" onesie with Daddy's favorite little brown shorts and delicately place a matching bow in her soft moppy hair.  I took her to daycare armed with gift bags for all of her little friends and a tray of interesting-colored cupcakes from the bakery.  As I drove her to daycare she fell asleep in her carseat, with her little fat cheek pressed up against the side and her blanky across her lap.  When I brought her inside all her little friends were waiting for her (aged 1-4) and they ran to her hugging her and saying "it's Mimi!" "Happy Birthday Mimi!" "Miss April (the daycare lady) it's Mimi's birthday!" and one little boy said "Where are the cupcakes?"  Miss April has a really fun day for them planned.  It's actually another little boy's birthday tomorrow so they are double celebrating.  I know that cupcakes and swimming were on their birthday agenda.  My sister in law said to me today "How could you put Mimi in daycare on her Birthday!?" she can't help but be naive, seeing how she's 19 and has never had a job or been away from her family.

Saturday we are having a grand spaghetti dinner with our closest friends to casually celebrate Mimi.

I'm still sad.  Something about it makes me sad, sad that I couldn't make time go slower, sad that I missed so much even though I was home until she was 10 months.  Part of me is sad to stop nursing--we'll talk about that in another post.

I'll post more photos later.