When I got home from work today I drank two cups of coffee to jazz me up for my run. Yes, I am addicted to caffeine. The first thing is admitting it right?
Well it's 3 am now. I'm WIDE awake. I went to Walmart with my friend and got some cute fabrics, even though I said I wasn't going to buy anymore until I used what I had (whoops), and came home, cleaned my kitchen, and sewed a shirt. I winged it with no pattern and it turned out kind of okay. lol Up until now I had only been making stuff for babies and toddlers. I'd like to get good enough to make some cute shirts and summer dresses for myself as well. Dont' mind my awesome lack of makeup, I had already washed my makeup off for the day after my run (3.1 miles today woot woot!).
I have a lot on my mind lately. I am feeling a lot of stress and anxiety over my job. When I was finishing up my Masters degree in 2007, I was so terribly stressed out that I had a lot of medical issues related to stress. Life settled down a bit (work stress wise) and I have been fine, but now my problems are coming back. Migraines, stomach problems, insomnia---just waiting now for my shingles to come back! Geesh!
My husband and I have been talking a lot about finding a way for me to be at home with Mimi and work part time from home. As we delve into the ideas of changing jobs, possibly moving, etc. I can't help but daydream what life could be like if our "plan" really came to be. Will being home fulltime with Mimi make my stress go away? Will I get a new set of stressors like anxiety over my career (or loss of it), and consequently the guilt over wanting to work out of the home? Will I constantly be bothered by the fact that my husband supports us? Will I feel like my PhD was a waste of precious time, money, and energy as I stay home raising babies and leaving a giant 5 year gap on my resume? Am I selfish and a horrible mother for even thinking these things? See why I can't sleep?
Well in my insomnia, I baked two loaves of bread for us to have with breakfast tomorrow....er...um...today.... Good thing I bought coffee, when Mimi wakes up in 3 hours I'm going to be hurting! My husband (unlike perfect husbands like Courtney's) does not know what letting your wife sleep in means. He thinks if he and Mimi are up, they should pounce on me and wake me up too. Hell, why not let Buddy our 70lb lab on the bed too? Mommy doesn't need sleep. Ugh, well atleast my house smells like freshly baked bread right?