Well today was my 13-week appointment. I was feeling really optimistic this morning. F met me at the midwife's office for my appointment. He missed my first ultrasound where I saw the little bean with the heartbeat. I was hoping he would get to hear it at the apt. My intial workup went fine. My bloodwork was all really good, no STD's or anything lol. My iron levels were normal and I even lost 1 lb.! When the midwife tried to find the heartbeat with the doppler device, she couldn't. My heart sank. F looked a little upset too. She assured us that it is normal to not find a heartbeat at 13 weeks with a doppler. I'm thinking to myself "then why the hell put pregnant woment through the worry when you can't find it!?" I think she could tell I was a little upset. She called up to the ultrasound tech's and got me an apt. in an hour to have it all checked out. It was the worst hour of my life! I sat at the hospital alone because F had to get to campus for his grad class, and thought about how terrible it would be to tell everyone the baby was no more. I know what you're thinking, geesh she's so cynical and morbid. I just find it's easier to prepare for the worst and be pleasantly surprised is something else happens.
At 1:30, they promptly took me in for the ultrasound and everything was fine. The baby measured perfect and the heartbeat was 171! I cried because I felt so happy. It's kind of the first time I felt so protective and loving towards the baby. Before today it just didn't seem real. I just felt like I had a terrible flu everyday. Now I feel confident about my pregancy. I am working up the balls to talk to my boss at the end of this week. There's one thing your graduate advisor does not want to hear 1/2 way through your phd..."i'm pregnant" so It's hard to talk to him about it. I know he'll be supportive, but I also know in the back of his head he'll know i'll be distracted and less productive. Wish me luck and enjoy the pics!
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