Friday, June 25, 2010

Getting slack for using the "cry it out" method

I just watched a mom's vlog where she describes how "crying it out wasn't for her" and how "she just wouldn't do it"

Sometimes when you give an opinion, your tone sends the real message of how you feel about something, no matter how many times you say "If it works for you that's fine...." which is like saying "I don't mean to be rude but...."
I think the quote that got me was:

".....I feel like if a baby is crying, it is crying for reason, they want their mother or father, or comfort or need to feel secure"

Okay, so how about a baby manipulating you to get what it wants? Like a kid who cried until they get their way. Is it right to make your child completely dependent on you for comfort? What about self soothing and building independence. How long to you cater to this behavior? I babysat for a family with a 3 year old who couldn't sleep without someone in a bed with her. As soon as you tried to sneak out after she fell asleep she would instantly wake up and start screaming. She got this way because her parents slept with her since she was little and was completely dependent on them for comfort all night long. You're telling me that this is a healthy behavior?

I love my child more than anything-literally. I think that I did a good thing by helping Mimi get accustomed to sleeping on her own. She sleeps so much more soundly in her crib by herself. We put her to bed awake and she rolls over and just babbles to herself before going to sleep, or she just goes to sleep.

This being said, I dont' believe on using the "crying it out method" before 5 months. Before 5 months children don't have the ability to self-soothe, so letting them cry (and I mean cry themselves to sleep not just fuss for 5 minutes) could be really upsetting for a baby.

Hey there moms--when you give an opinion on "crying it out" try not to make us feel like horrible mothers because we let our kids cry themselves to sleep for a night or two. I'll try not to make you feel like a horrible mom for screwing up your kids sleeping habits for life.


Jess Craig said...

i hope i haven't offended you with my opinions on it. i'm not really ANTI cry it out, i'm just a huge wuss and can't hardly handle his crying. wyatt has a hold of me like it's nobody's business. i do think i'm going to give it another shot soon here, because he's still not sleeping through the night and he's one of those kids that needs my comfort all night too. it's really my fault. i've created a monster. i wonder if a lot of it has to do with the fact that i think i NEED to cuddle with my baby all night too?

i'm also really on the fence about whether or not letting wyatt sleep in my bed is THAT big of a deal? i mean, i've read from so many people who co-sleep that their kids have moved on and eventually go sleep by themselves because they want to. i know wyatt won't be sleeping in my bed when he's 10. so i don't know. i almost feel like sometimes i over think this whole issue and i should just go with it. i don't know.

i really do commend you for being the strong one and doing the right thing for your child. i think you're doing exactly what you need to do and it's working because it's what's best for your kid! anyway, she's so adorable. you need to post more pics on here.

JKL said...

Jess, In no way were my comments directed at you, the girl I referred to was just being kind of smug insinuating that letting your kid cry it out was cruel, and I was just pointing out the flipside of it--that I think not letting your kids learn self soothing is cruel in a way too.

I don't have anything against co-sleeping, I never did it because I slept horrible with Mimi in the bed with us, so really I was being selfish.

I support what you do with wyatt. I do hope you find a solution so that both you and wyatt can get a full night of z's, but what the "right" solution is I don't know, every kid is different and every mom is different.

I guess my point is that I don't like people insinuating that I neglected my child's need for comfort or security by letting her cry it out--to tell you the truth it only took 2 or 3 days until she would just go to bed without crying, but I wasn't strong enough to do it either, I thought I would be, my husband had to help

Grace said...

Would love to see the actual vlog. Based on what you quoted, I don't see how she was trying to make anyone feel like a horrible mom. Sorry to respectfully disagree but it sounded like an opinion to me.

For the record, I think there is no hard deadline for when your kid is ready to self soothe. Some people do it at 2 months, others (like me) didn't feel comfortable doing it until a year or more.

I actually agree with with both of you. I think doing it before your kid can understand that you are there and are just CHOOSING not to go get them is quite cruel. On the other hand, not allowing them to develop some independence once they can understand what is going on, is equally cruel.

Moms usually know when there children are ready. The difference between an annoyed whine and a painful screeching cry of terror is usually a good indicator of readiness - in my humble opinion, of course=)