Here's a picture of Dahlia last night eating icecream, rather gelato. I asked Grace to go for a walk, but we ended up just eating sugar instead!
So tomorrow is my scheduled c-section. I had the weekend to go through all these emotions of anger, disappointment, acceptance, you know the drill. I am however seeing a chiropractor (yesterday, today, and tomorrow) as a last ditch effort to get baby to turn around, so far the head is still camped out behind my belly button. The chiropractor uses something called the Webster technique. I must be honest, I'm not too optimistic after what the OB told us Friday night at our ECV technique. It appears as though baby has been wedged down there for awhile and the midwives just missed it. Not there fault though, the last ultrasound I had was at 21 weeks and baby was head down then.
So I'm awake at 6am, with my husband snoring next to me and decided to just get up. I had some Ego's and watched you tube and made a list of things I want to get done today, my last day of being pregnant. It's kind of sad for some reason. I told my friend Grace yesterday that the only thing I think i'll miss besides the baby kicking is the fact that it's acceptable to have this many chins and be this large when you're 40 weeks pregnant! After the baby comes I'm just gonna be another overweight mom for awhile! Besides re-packing my hospital bag and last minute cleaning I think I want Franco to take me to Sushi for dinner tonite. It's not likely I'll get out of the house to go to a restaurant for awhile and Sushi isn't so great as takeout.
I'd say my main fear of the c section is how long my recover will take, already unhappy with my body, i'll have a longer healing time than with a vaginal birth to let things heal before I can start running or go to the gym to start weight training again.
Well, I guess that's all. This is the end of being pregnant.
You know when you're first pregnant you feverishly read and educate yourself on pregnancy and birth because you're so excited. Well I began following people's vlog's on youtube as well. Most of the girls don't have much in common with me, a lot of them stay at home with their kids, or are just at home pregnant.
One girl I've been watching for awhile is xxxjoelpolexxx. She's a stay at home mom from Texas with a little girl and she was pregnant with her son. I must admit, 1/2 the time, the things she says on her vlog irritate me, I often feel like actually making comments to her on her vlog, but it's not worth potentially offending her just because I don't agree with the things she says and does. In the last day or so I came across two things that really made me dissappointed in her character. It makes me not want to watch her videos anymore. One thing that I came accross was another girl who was pregnant and told facebook/youtube she was going to name her daughter Jacelyn. This happens to be the name of xxxjoelpolexxx's little girl. xxxjoelpolexxx sent all these nasty messages to her saying she was copying her daughter's name and to get a life, etc. etc. I was like whoa, how self centered is this women to think that if someone uses the same baby name as her that they are directly copying her? I mean my name is Jen, do you know how many jen's and jeniffer's and jenny's there are in this world? Hello, it was a popular name in the 80's when I was born. There were 3 other jen's in my class. That kind of urked me that xxxjoelpolexxx felt the need to be rude to this poor women because of a name. Not to mention I doubt they will ever meet each other or even live near each other. How does it hurt her if someone else has the same name? Good grief!
Then this morning I see xxxjoelpolexxx's post slandering her birth photographer. I thought wow, either this girl is ignorant as to how the world works or she really is just such a selfish self centered person, she cries and screams about anything that doesn't go her way. She is mad because her birth photographer won't give her digital rights to her birth photos or give her every photo taken. Sorry xxxjoelpolexxx, your contract didn't state you get those pictures, if you didnt' like that you should have hired another photographer. This is how photographers work. They tell you what service they will provide and the end product you will receive. You are ignorant to assume that those pictures belong to you. They don't. They belong to the photographer. That photographer is an artist, and those photos are HER work. Just cause your face is in those doesn't mean they belong to you. The photographer also has the right (unless clearly stated in your contract) to not give you all the pictures. Photographer may take 100's of photos, and only 20 may be suitable to print. They are not going to give you a photo that doesn't reflect well on them. That is their right. Sorry if this pisses you off, but you're out of luck. She goes on to tell everyone in her vlog that the women tried to steal 50 dollars from her. They had paid a deposit of 50 dollars and didn't remember to subtract that from what they owed her and paid her 250 instead of 200. First off, my first impression was wow, those are beautiful pictures, 250 is nothing for such nice photographs, especially since the lady drove to your house in the middle of the night and sat through your entire birth to take them. So was the photographer dishonest for not instantly calling them and saying "hey you overpaid me 50 bucks?" or was she considering it a tip? I mean I tipped the photographer at my wedding. Who by the way, up front told me I would get the rights to my photos! (artisticmindseye.com) And was a great photographer.
She wraps up the vlog by saying her husband was just laid off from work and now they're broke with two kids and no job. This brings me back to come of the comments I've had about her vlog in the past. MONEY. This women spends money like nothing else. From the minute she got pregnant it was crazy. She was saying how they needed to get their tax return so that they could buy nursery furniture (which what they chose was none too cheap) and move into a bigger apt. Then, she takes her daughter to a photo studio monthly for portraits! I think I actually commented on this once, saying, why go every month? She says she spends a little over a hundred a month on photos of Jacelyn, that's over 1200 a year! Why not put that into savings and only take your daughter ever few months, or better yet take nice pictures at home for your family. When you're family is tight on money and you have a limited income, you don't do frivolous things like this. How about the fact that her TV is on all day? One, is it really good to have your TV on all day with a 1 year old? Two, cable costs money, rent some movies, get a hobby or go for a walk and have your cable off and save a couple hundred a year. We turned our cable off when we bought our house to save money, we saved 1200 a year, and we actually keep our yard clean, walk our dog and have time to spend together not on the couch all night.
I'm not perfect. I'm sure if I kept a vlog, she would find things wrong with how I handle situations, how I prepare for the birth of my child, how I choose to spend (or not spend) my money, etc... I'm entitled to my own opinion on my own blog. This women should be sued by her photographer for slander/liable. The things she is stating on youtube will hurt this women's business, and unjustly.
I have no good pictures to update you all with. I look/feel like a beached whale. It was 95 degrees today and F and I went to a 1st birthday party for our friend's daughter (Dahlia). It was so hot, we all looked like sweaty people. Luckily it was in the shade and they had lots of cold drinks.
I had my 35 week apt. last Wednesday. Nothing very exciting to report. I have been having some nausea for the last few weeks, all "normal" according to the midwife. Last night, in one of the three or four times I got up to pee, I felt like i had a bowling ball in my pelvis. Oh my god, talk about an uncomfortable feeling. I hope this feeling subsides as my pelvis stretches or widens or something. It is so uncomfortable to walk or sit or lay or anything. And....I thought I had to pee a lot before this--not I swear to got i wish i could wear a catheter, I have to pee like very 10 minutes, and it's so hot, I've been trying to keep my fluids up, which makes me pee even more! Can anyone day Depends? lol
Well I hope all these "signs" are normal signs that this baby is getting ready to make an appearance. The house is almost tidy, the room is pretty much done, the bassinet sheets are washed...we are ready to go. In light of the contractions i've had off and on the last few days and this "lightening" (ie bowling ball feeling in pelvis), I think I may pack my hospital bag today.
F and his buddies are outside in the heat working on Manny's car. I have to laugh at them, it is hot as balls outside, they must be so hot in the sun. If it had been me, I would have done it early in the morning. But that would have been logical. lol
Well I will post a picture with a beautiful expression I have on my face. I dont' know what I was saying as F snapped this photo.
I hope the baby just waits to come until F is back from his business trip July 1st!
Just a quick note to say I think we may go broke buying diapers "when the kid comes" as F says. I was in Target today doing some household shopping, and I said to myself, let's just take a quick walk through the baby aisle and see how much diapers are going to run us. HOLY CRAP. I found a 36 pack of diapers (pampers) on sale for 8.50, but even on sale or with a coupon, that's only enough diapers for about 4 days! So even with sales or coupons, name brand diapers are going to run us about 70 a month. I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but come on, I'm in grad school! It's not like I rake in the big ones! Thank god we don't have to pay for daycare. I think our budget will have to revisted "when the kid comes."
Just got back last night from a weekend trip to the beach. My friend Grace and her daughter Dahlia came with me to Destin for the weekend. I had to travel there for a one-day conference, so we all just stayed the weekend and enjoyed the beach. We stayed with my friend Julie, who has a house up there. We got to eat seafood and lay at the beach and swim in her nicely heated pool :-) It was Dahlia's (Graces' daughter) first time in a pool, she loved it. Grace even dunked her a couple of times and she didn't' even cry. My friend Julie has a 7 year-old daughter as well that played with us at the beach and pool. She loved playing with the baby too. I can't wait until next spring when i'll have my own baby to bring along. I took a picture of me at the beach (see the beached whale above), I had to prove to F that I let my belly see the sunshine!
I think F missed me a little while I was gone. We got back late last night and I had to get up at 5am to drop him at the airport for a week long business trip. He seemed sad that just as I got back he had to leave. I'm not too bothered by it just because I have so much work to get done in the next two weeks. Is is bad that it makes me feel good that he is sad that we're not together? I mean i"m not happy he's sad, it just makes me feel loved and needed.
On a pregnancy note...this week has been pretty good. The baby kicks so hard that I can see little parts poking out when he/she kicks. I haven't been sleeping the best, but I've been sticking to my 11pm-7am schedule, which I'm pretty thrilled about. Normally grad students don't' roll into work until 10am, by 10am my house is clean, I've done 5 loads of laundry, walked the dog and prepped dinner and am on my way out the door to work. I've started nesting I think, I have this uncontrollable urge to organize and clean things. Mostly to organize things. I don't go for another apt. until May 20th, which is a long stretch from the last apt, but then after that I have to go every two weeks. I think that's all on the pregnancy news...I gained a little bit too much weight last week, gotta do my walking this week!
When I was in Destin, Grace and I hit up the outlets and go some cute baby stuff. I was able to find two affordable nursing bras that actually fit and were comfortable, and I got a bunch of stuff at the Carters and Osh Kosh outlets. F seemed to be happy with my savings savy purchases of unisex sleepers. I did manage to get a smile when I showed him the osh kosh overalls, we both LOVE kids in denim overalls. Girl or boy, our kid will be dressed in denim overalls a lot I bet.
I've been so bad about updating my blog. Things have been seriously busy. I've been taking and teaching a class, working on my research and battling constant irritating illnesses from sinus infections to UTI's to migraines. My kid is sucking the life out of me! F has been taking a class too, he keeps getting stuck with deadbeat group members who don't do any work on their group projects and he doesn't have the balls to let the professor know. I guess he doesn't want to get confrontational! I hate tattle tails, but I also hate people that leach off of others work and get away with it.
Baby seems to be doing fine! We're getting really excited as the months tick away. I have my 25 week midwife apt. this week, I know she's going to harp on my weight, I've gained 6 lbs in the last month, for a grand total of 14 whopping lbs. Geesh. Baby kicks all day and F can really feel them now too. I've been eating like crazy feeling faint after 2-3 hours without food. I keep walking and taking my swim class, so hopefully the baby just had a growth spurt in utero! lol
The semester is almost over and I can go back to working on my research fulltime until the bambino makes his/her appearance this summer.
Well I'm 3.5 months pregnant and I'm still a pound down from my start weight! I think I'm finally out of the woods as far as morning sickness goes. I seem to have a lot more energy lately too. I can make it through the day without naps and headaches, and I can brush my teeth everyday without gagging! So delightful. I'm really psyched about my weight. I have been getting about 2000 calories a day and working out 3 days a week and trying to get two three-mile walks in the other days.
Yesterday F said he's not too thrilled about maternity clothes. He says he's really happy we're having the baby, but he thinks I look frumpy all the time. I asked him if he thought he might be able to censor what he says, or perhaps think about my delicate feelings before he lets such things slip out. I have finally resigned myself to maternity pants. My regular pants are too tight by the end of the day and they push on my belly a little hard.
I finally had the balls to talk to my boss about my pregnancy on Friday. The last thing your phd advisor wants to hear from you is "i'm pregnant" when you're half way through your degree. When I told him I think he thought I was joking around at first. When he realized I was not, he said that he was happy for me but I would have to work really hard to get my degree done on time. Overall he seemed okay with it, and I felt a little more at ease after telling him. Now I don't really care who knows or who finds out, because I had the balls to tell him myself first! lol.
Well today was my 13-week appointment. I was feeling really optimistic this morning. F met me at the midwife's office for my appointment. He missed my first ultrasound where I saw the little bean with the heartbeat. I was hoping he would get to hear it at the apt. My intial workup went fine. My bloodwork was all really good, no STD's or anything lol. My iron levels were normal and I even lost 1 lb.! When the midwife tried to find the heartbeat with the doppler device, she couldn't. My heart sank. F looked a little upset too. She assured us that it is normal to not find a heartbeat at 13 weeks with a doppler. I'm thinking to myself "then why the hell put pregnant woment through the worry when you can't find it!?" I think she could tell I was a little upset. She called up to the ultrasound tech's and got me an apt. in an hour to have it all checked out. It was the worst hour of my life! I sat at the hospital alone because F had to get to campus for his grad class, and thought about how terrible it would be to tell everyone the baby was no more. I know what you're thinking, geesh she's so cynical and morbid. I just find it's easier to prepare for the worst and be pleasantly surprised is something else happens.
At 1:30, they promptly took me in for the ultrasound and everything was fine. The baby measured perfect and the heartbeat was 171! I cried because I felt so happy. It's kind of the first time I felt so protective and loving towards the baby. Before today it just didn't seem real. I just felt like I had a terrible flu everyday. Now I feel confident about my pregancy. I am working up the balls to talk to my boss at the end of this week. There's one thing your graduate advisor does not want to hear 1/2 way through your phd..."i'm pregnant" so It's hard to talk to him about it. I know he'll be supportive, but I also know in the back of his head he'll know i'll be distracted and less productive. Wish me luck and enjoy the pics!
We're just about to pass our 12-week hush hush period.... In July we'll be a Double Income No Kids (DINK) no more. F and I are expecting our first baby in the end of July. Kind of crazy to think that next week we'll even be a third of the way there. Hopefully this miserable third can be left behind! I've spent the last three months feeling like I was circling the drain and lieing to my friends and coworkers about why I look and feel like shit, or why I won't have a beer, or why I fall asleep at my desk at 4 in the afternoon.
Part of me is afraid to tell people because of what they might think or say. Like "wow, didn't you just get married???" But to tell you the truth we're really happy and excited, we both are really looking forward to the whole experience. Luckily, I was able to confide in a few close friends, one of which just had a baby 6 months ago, so she can empathize with all the discomforts of being pregnant. My other good friend let's me take 10 minutes naps in her office, which has more comfortable chairs! Anther part of me is frustrated when people make cracks about how much it sucks to have kids, or they are so annoyed by babies, or something and I've had to pretend to laugh and agree, knowing these people won't want to be around me and F in 7 months. The last fear I have is that if something goes wrong and I lose the baby, I'll have to have the painful duty of informing anyone I told. But I've realized that that isn't a very positive way to approach my situation. Out families seem really excited for us, so that feels really good.
Things have been okay so far I guess. I've had such terrible morning sickness since about week 7, that I've actually lost almost 3 pounds. Which frustrates me because when I was trying to lose weight, I would have to watch everything I put in mouth and work my ass off at the gym just to lose a pound a week, now I drink gingerale and eat sandwiches all day (only thing that tastes good) and keep losing pounds. Besides the nausea I've just felt really sleepy and fatigued and generally crappy. I sleep like crap and wake up all night to pee. I used to think only big ol pregnant women about to give birth peed all the time, but apparently your blood volume increases by about 25% when you're expecting, so your kidneys and urinary system are on overtime.
Now I guess i'll have more to talk about than pictures and recipes.
