Late Night

When I got home from work today I drank two cups of coffee to jazz me up for my run. Yes, I am addicted to caffeine.  The first thing is admitting it right?

Well it's 3 am now. I'm WIDE awake.  I went to Walmart with my friend and got some cute fabrics, even though I said I wasn't going to buy anymore until I used what I had (whoops), and came home, cleaned my kitchen, and sewed a shirt.  I winged it with no pattern and it turned out kind of okay. lol  Up until now I had only been making stuff for babies and toddlers.  I'd like to get good enough to make some cute shirts and summer dresses for myself as well.  Dont' mind my awesome lack of makeup, I had already washed my  makeup off for the day after my run (3.1 miles today woot woot!).

I have a lot on my mind lately.  I am feeling a lot of stress and anxiety over my job.  When I was finishing up my Masters degree in 2007, I was so terribly stressed out that I had a lot of medical issues related to stress.  Life settled down a bit (work stress wise) and I have been fine, but now my problems are coming back.  Migraines, stomach problems, insomnia---just waiting now for my shingles to come back! Geesh!

My husband and I have been talking a lot about finding a way for me to be at home with Mimi and work part time from home.  As we delve into the ideas of changing jobs, possibly moving, etc. I can't help but daydream what life could be like if our "plan" really came to be.  Will being home fulltime with Mimi make my stress go away? Will I get a new set of stressors like anxiety over my career (or loss of it), and consequently the guilt over wanting to work out of the home?  Will I constantly be bothered by the fact that my husband supports us? Will I feel like my PhD was a waste of precious time, money, and energy as I stay home raising babies and leaving a giant 5 year gap on my resume?  Am I selfish and a horrible mother for even thinking these things?  See why I can't sleep?

Well in my insomnia, I baked two loaves of bread for us to have with breakfast tomorrow....er...um...today.... Good thing I bought coffee, when Mimi wakes up in 3 hours I'm going to be hurting!  My husband (unlike perfect husbands like Courtney's) does not know what letting your wife sleep in means.   He thinks if he and Mimi are up, they should pounce on me and wake me up too.  Hell, why not let Buddy our 70lb lab on the bed too?  Mommy doesn't need sleep.  Ugh, well atleast my house smells like freshly baked bread right?

My little valentine

My Little Valentine :-)

So Valentine's day is coming.  My husband (and me too mostly) agree that this is a Hallmark Holiday 110%.  But why not have a little fun with it? I'm not expecting roses, chocolates or anything of the like.  I generally don't enjoy flowers because they just die on your kitchen table in a vase, such a waste, and I eat chocolate everyday anyway! My husband and I made this tradition a few years ago of going shoe shopping on Valentine's Day.  We go to the shoe store and don't feel bad splurging on footwear this one day a year.  I'm getting new running shoes and I am SO PSYCHED!

At Mimi's daycare they are having a party and eating red and heart-shaped things all day.  I'm going to make some heart-shaped cookies on a lolipop sticks and send her to daycare in this homemade outfit.  So I've mentioned that I have been sewing a lot right?  Well a lot of the things I sew are going to be gifts for my friends having babies, two of which read my blog, so I don't feature too many of my creations here.  This skirt however was a weekend naptime project that I'm pretty darn proud of.  I found the tutorial on this girl's awesome craft and sewing blog.  She calls it the "Market Skirt."  You'll notice mine had no pockets, which is simply me being too lazy. I thought it looked cute without however.  I made one for Grace's Daughter Dahlia as well.  We're hoping to get some cute photos of the two girls in them this weekend.  Let's hope Florida's crazy weather will be in our favor.  I am hoping to make some green ones for St. Patrick's Day next month.  I have lots of little girls I know that would look darn cute in them!  Mimi's shirt I also made.  It's a $5 shirt from target and I appliqued felt hearts on it that cost $0.29 per sheet.  Altogether, I'd say this outfit costs less than $8, not bad right?

Things in life have been looking up a little.  I'm continuing to train to for my 10K in March.  I am up to 4 miles and plan to run 4.5 miles this Sunday.  Things have work have improved and some changes have occurred.  My husband may have some changes coming up too, we'll see.

I want to give a quick shout out to Kaleb!! Kaleb turned one on February 9!!! Click on over and check out the Pile family's blog to read all about it!

Ugh this video irritates the hell out of me!

Okay, so this woman is putting up a video about why she thinks spanking is wrong.  Dude.

I put a comment on her video explaining that I slap my child on the hand when she is about to do something that harms her, like touching the stove, opening the oven, touching electrical device, etc.  This is the ONLY time I hit my child in any way.  My husband and I both agree that this deters her, and teaches her NOT to touch those things.  Any other time she is acting out or misbehaving, she gets time out, which seems to be working well for now.  Going by what this woman says, I'm abusing my child and not teaching my child anything.  First I'd like to point out that her kid (only kid) is an INFANT.  She claims in another video that we as commenters can't claim that she doesn't know what she's talking about just because she has an infant because she's been a babysitter and worked at a daycare.  Well now sh*t, you should NEVER hit someone else's kid PERIOD.  It's not your job to discipline anyone else's child.  I never once hit a child that I took care of.  She responded to me saying "if you're close enough to hit your child why not just remove her from the situation?"  Great answer from someone who doesn't have a toddler.  Well, because frankly, that doesn't equate with a one year to "don't touch this hot dangerous thing it could hurt you."  MY one year old doesn't have the ability to reason and say "you're right mommy, when I touch this hot thing, it could hurt me really badly, I should just walk away right now."  Let me tell you, I only had to slap her hand once for touching the oven door and she HAS NEVER TOUCHED IT AGAIN.   And of course I tell her "hot no! don't touch" I'm not a friggin idiot, I know how to teach my child wrong from right, but when it is something dangerous I try words first, but sometimes she is too focused on what she is going to do that it's as if she can't even hear me.

I would say I've slapped her hand maybe 3 or 4 times in her life.  I watch this video and the woman's tone is so condescending and judgmental.  She makes her statements such as "by hitting your child you're not teaching" then right after it says "oh, but i'm not saying people who hit their children dont' teach them."  That is like saying "Chocolate is evil, I never eat it, but i'm not saying you're evil if you eat chocolate." UGH, if you're going to put yourself out there and give an opinion, have a backbone and stop saying cover you ass statements afterwards to avoid offending people.  That is so friggin irritating.

You know what, when I was a kid I was hit with a belt when I was bad--I man hard, hard enough to leave a mark.  Looking back on this, I really don't see how hitting me like that taught me anything.  My husband was hit with a wooden spoon when he was a child.  Both of us agree hitting her as a punishment isn't really our preferred way to punish her.  But slapping her on the hand to get her attention about a potentially harmful situation is NOT abuse.

This video really gave me a bad taste in my mouth.  I don't think I'm going to watch this woman's videos anymore.  She is so condescending sometimes.

Mental Health Day

I meant to do this last week--but the week got away with me!

On Wednesday's I'm supposed to take time to work on my dissertation.  It's a "deal" I worked out with my current superviser, where I am allowed to cut back my hours if my work if caught up to this.  UM......who's getting the deal? Because my boss is getting 40 hours of work out of me for the price of 35....anyway. I digress....

So this Wednesday, I woke up at my normal time, had breakfast with Mimi, and instead of throwing on jeans, I threw on gym clothes.  My husband looked at me, as if you say "um, I thought you were going to go work on your dissertation!?" because he knew I was putting my running stuff on.  I said, "yeah i'm going to take a 1/2 mental health day, then go work," he grimaced and left with Mimi.

So my 1/2 mental health/dissertation day turned into a 100% (much needed) mental health day.  To be perfectly honest, i've been a little depressed lately. I'm not talking about being blue and getting over it, I'm talking about laying in bed forcing yourself to get up and face the day.  Sitting at work lifeless hating what you do all day.  The worst part if how if affects my relationship with my husband.  We fought and bickered for an entire week.  I needed a day for myself.

I spent the morning digging my way out of 7 loads of this:

How would doing laundry make me relaxed? Having a messy home KILLS my mood. I can't relax OR be productive in my home when it's like that.  So I tidied and did landry for a few hours.









Then I went to bed bath and beyond to replace my bathroom scale that had broken that morning, because YES I AM A RELIGIOUS WEIGHER. I weigh myself every morning.  I'm not obsessed about my weight, but being aware of changes keeps my diet in check.  I used a coupon, that was expired and they took it anyway.  Thank you Bed Bath and Beyond for being so super cool.  Then I stopped in the bookstore and picked up a book that I have wanted for awhile.   It's called the "Raw Food Detox Diet" however It's more of a lifestyle than a diet.  I've read a bunch of it, and plan to do a separt blog post on this....

I have to point out, the other book, underneath "Running for Women" sits on my nightstand.  When my daughter comes in she points to the cover (photo of women running) and says "Mama!"

God bless you Mimi.  Mama would love to be that lean.  Speaking of running, when I got home, I decided this 1/2 mental health day must become an entire day.  I went running in some warm humid weather.  I did my usually 3.1 miles and LOVED running during the day.  I never really get to run during the day except on weekend.  It was like a gift.  I got home was craving protein.  I made myself a tuna sandwhich on homemade bread and didnt' fret over the mayo because I just burned 400 calories.

It was sooooo good.  I love tuna, but I watch my consumption for a few reasons----1.  I hate the smell of it in my house/office.  2.  It has more mercury than other fish choices  3.  It inevitably if made with mayo (high calorie and fat), and I dont' eat fake or light mayo---if you're going to eat it, just eat the real stuff!

I spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing, cleaning, prepping dinner then picked my angle up from daycare and spent the rest of the day with her not stressing about anything.  

This day made me wonder what it would be like to be home fulltime again.  Granted, I didn't have my daughter with me, so It's not a true reflection of life at home with baby.  Although, the only thing I did that would have conflicted with having her home was running, and I can run with the jog stroller, I just dont' prefer it.  I look forward to being home with kids more over this next year.  I'm working towards it.

A Case of the Mondays

Ugh, I always hated that expression, but today it's so true. I am dragging butt today.

I went to bed at 11 last night (which is pretty good for me) after a weekend of being invaded by friends who have no concept of toddler sleep schedules.  Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, and I love spending time with them and opening up my home to people. BUT, I also relish at least one quiet evening or afternoon at home to relax, clean, catch up etc.

So I woke up at 6:30, remembered I didn't have to be at work today until later, and rolled back over until 7am. Isn't it always harder to wake up after you're snoozed? I got up at 7am and woke up my cuddle warm little Mimicans for some morning cuddles.  She did brighten my morning.  Having just those extras 20 or 30 minutes to spend with her in the morning really makes a difference in my day.  We made coffee and a sippy cup of watered down applejuice and just leisurely enjoyed the morning.  (BTW I was 182 this am--how depressing...)

Then reality set in, my husband whisked her off to daycare and I had to put on dress clothes and go to work. I feel so uninspired today to do my job. I hate that.  I want to wake up and get excited about what I do.  I ended up wearing clothes that made me feel frumpy, sauntering in full of negativity.  I made myself a to-list with 4 things on it and I'm going to do my best to get those 4 measly things done, and go home and enjoy the rest of this day.

Do something today that makes you happy, wear a bright color, have that extra cup a coffee, give your kid 100 extra kisses, and then send some of your cheeriness my way!!

Just a Normal Saturday...

Picture heavy post....

Mimi's Day in Photos--yes she had 3 outfit changes today--laundry owns my ass.

Up and at em' at 7:30 am, hanging with mom in the kitchen, she helps me make coffee

Enjoying our scrambled eggs with ketchup, Don't hate, we all eat ketchup on our eggs in this house...

Some coloring after breakfast (one of the homemade bibs I have made recently, Mimi gets my mistake ones lol)

A walk outside

Some bubble blowing

Walking to the park to meet her bestie

Dahlia and Mimi

Mimi watched Papa make roasted eggplant (a reciped Jess will like, remind me to forward it to her), and Mommy ran 3.5 miles.  Now she's soundly asleep with a sippy cup of icewater and an elmo doll.

Breastfeeding a two-year-old?

I have watched this lady's vlogs since I was pregnant. I really like her, I was actually surprised to see she's only 25--she seems much older than that.  I don't always agree with her, but I enjoy her video content.  Her vlog post today really made me think about my opinions on prolonged breastfeeding.  Her son is 20 months and she is still breastfeeding him 3 times a day (morning, nap,and night) and says he nurses throughout the night.  The judgmental side of me at first instantly judged her and thought "lady you're doing it for you, you just don't want to give up doing it" which I can understand.  I LOVED nursing Mimi.  I miss nursing a baby.  I so look forward to nursing my next baby.  My second thought was that based on what she says, it seems like her kid is dependent on nursing to go to sleep, like a 3 year old with a pacifier.  And this whole idea of self-weaning sounds so new age and warm and fuzzy, but really it says to me "I'm going to let my child do whatever it wants so I don't have to feel like the bad guy."  Seriously. There's gauging when your child is "ready" and there's letting your kid rule the house because you don't want your child to perceive you as mean for taking something away that they love.

Also, another thought: What benefits are there to nursing a child past....hmmm...let's say one year?  Besides some warm and fuzzy statement about bonding time. Because that's bullshit. I bond with my daughter every minute I'm with her.  I cuddle her, kiss her, read to her, tickle her, interact with her.  Because after 13 months I stopped letting her pacify herself at my boob when she was tired I'm not bonding with her? I digress.

Okay so let's look at some science...

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Fat and Energy Contents of Expressed Human Breast Milk in Prolonged Lactation, Mandel et al. in PEDIATRICS Vol. 116 No. 3 September 2005, pp. e432-e435

Methods. Thirty-four mothers, of term, healthy, growing children, who had been lactating for >1 year (12–39 months) were recruited. Control subjects were 27 mothers, of term infants, who had been lactating for 2 to 6 months. Fat contents of the milk samples were estimated as creamatocrit (CMT) levels. Energy contents of the milk were measured with a bomb calorimeter.

Conclusions. Human milk expressed by mothers who have been lactating for >1 year has significantly increased fat and energy contents, compared with milk expressed by women who have been lactating for shorter periods. During prolonged lactation, the fat energy contribution of breast milk to the infant diet might be significant.

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A longitudinal study of prolonged breastfeeding in relation to child undernutrition
Fawzi et al. in Int. J. Epidemiol. (1998) 27 (2): 255-260.

Methods. The relationship between prolonged breastfeeding and child growth was examined prospectively among children under 36 months old who participated in a large cohort study. At baseline and at each of three 6-monthly follow-up visits breastfeeding status was assessed and all subjects were weighed and measured.

Results. Undernourished children were more likely to be breastfed for a longer period of time compared with normal children.

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So there are two articles, one stating breastmilk during prolonged lactation has higher caloric content (not surprising however) and the other noting instances of malnutrition in children breastfed past 12 months, up to 36 months.  Even though the fat content, children obviously NEED to have the main source of their nutrition from other sources.  If your child is nursing and filling up throughout the day on high fat content breastmilk, that may deter them from consuming other nutritious food stuffs, right?